Where are we at now?
We are almost done with our home study. We've done all the background checks (passed, yes! lol), completed all the many, many forms and statements. We're currently working on all the training--we are required to take 10 hours of adoption related training. Right now we're doing online classes, and they've been interesting, though nothing yet has been a shock. We also had the opportunity the other day to go to a panel of birth parents. I was surprised at how many adoptions are open and how often the birth parents get to see the children. Everyone had a different story and different feelings on adoption. It was very interesting and I'm glad we got the chance to go.
So, right now we're working on finishing the classes, we have 3 hours left to go, which we should wrap up the beginning of next week. I'm speaking at a conference this weekend, so we'll have to take a few days break. Next, our caseworker will come to our house and we'll do joint and individual interviews. She'll walk through the house. And then she'll write up our home study and we'll be ready to move forward!
Move forward. Even though this process has gone by fast, it doesn't feel real to get to the point that we can look for our son. It's just one of those things that looms everlastingly in the future, you know?
It's the part I'm most worried about: finding him. Because I don't know if he's just going to be dropped in our laps and it will be like "HERE HE IS." Where the moon and stars will just perfectly line up and he'll be there at the end of the tunnel, very obvious that it's him.
Or if it's just that we are supposed to find SOMEONE that fits the dream I had. I don't want to just search the thousands of kids (which breaks my heart every time) and wonder "is HE the one? Or is HE the one?" The uncertainty of picking the right child is scary to me. Maybe that sounds terrible, but it's the honest truth.
Needless to say, our family has been doing a LOT of praying lately. Praying that we'll find him. Praying that he will be watched over and protected. Praying that he can start to be prepared to be a member of our family.
We keep talking that we hope we will find him and be able to have him in our home by Christmas. That would be so wonderful. So amazing. But I'm not optimistic that it will happen that fast. I keep telling myself that the timeframe is in the Lord's hands and that we can only do as much as we can on our part, the rest we need his help with.
One day, one step at a time. We're almost there.
